MEET the world deadliest diseases AIROJULOCOCUS & IMMUNAIRAYEDEFICIENCY. So because of them I promise never to dull YOU
When I was a little boy, I never
believed that the Nigerian national
anthem is an english language ! Back
den we used
to be like.
“Araiz oh compassion…..Ninguria corl
obey….. Tusa
awa fadasla….. Is lu an sley an fe…..
Delebosa
awarisofa….. Shalebo ri inveh….. Tusa
tusa awa myti…..
Worle shaba….. In freedoor is ar unity!
Can you remember this version of the
national anthem?
Happy independence day fatherland
Posted in Entertainment, JOKES
Choose not this life of waste
Where it lead has not taste.
Hell bent on this follies
Crying to bring back those lilies
This road lead no were
But spike are grace here
Choose not our term
Because our race are deviant
We are stunt in on post
And our minds are made blank
Of brothers in arm,
we shall all meet at the river bank
Choose not the trends
Because Looks and words are tipsy
We drink from our gown of lame excuse
Bagging our protectors for mercy
Nay justice are fray by truthfulness
Hag on wise deeds and wards
Bases for gray sages
ply these part
Of junks and lunatics in ass
Choose even equality with taste of love
Peace is a value with no price
But jaw jaw and face the world
With high heels of peal and doors
Posted in Poem
The Ekiti governorship election tribunal which
was scheduled to hold yesterday at the High Court
in Ado-Ekiti was abandoned following an invasion, allegedly led by the governor-elect of the state, Ayodele Fayose, which culminated in Mr. Fayose allegedly ordering thugs who accompanied him to beat up a judge, Justice John Adeyeye. Justice Adeyeye was allegedly “rude” to Mr. Fayose.
In the ensuing confusion, workers in the court
premises abandoned their workplace and scampered for safety. A witness said that the Fayose thugs had assembled at the court premises as early as 6 am, despite the presence of policemen from the police headquarters who were deployed to major
streets and around the court.
Justice Adeyeye, who presides over High Court
3, was unhappy at the large number of people who thronged the premises of the court, and asked Mr. Fayose to move his supporters to a “safe distance from the court premises”. Enraged by this request, Fayose shouted at the judge, slapped him and ordered his men to beat him up. The thugs complied immediately, and in the process of following the order, tore the Judge’s clothes.
They were subsequently dispersed by the police who used tear gas. Justice Adeyeye is presently receiving treatment at a private hospital in Ado-Ekiti.
(1). “If Nigeria breaks, some people in the country would have no where to run to, but for me and my people in Adamawa Kingdom, we will pack our luggage and whatever we have and join our kith and kin in Cameroun” = Lamido of Adamawa (2) “You press men, you always say there are no minerals in kano. We have Coca Cola, Fanta, Mirinda and the newly invented Sprite” = Bakin Zuwo. (3) “Foreign investors should ignore Boko Haram and invest in Nigeria” = Jonathan. (4) “I will water your school and fire your school” = Orji Uzoh Kalu (5) “Nigerians don’t panic, terrorist attack is everywhere, …maybe it’s our turn” =Jonathan. (6) “I will rather kill myself than commit sucide” = Dame Jonathan. (7) “I founded this school for the masses and the school fees is 850,000 naira” = Atiku Abubakar. (8) “…until I see someone eating out of the gutters before I believe there is poverty in Nigeria.” = Umoru Dikko. (9) “Telephone is not meant for the poor” = David Mark. (10) “The worth of a child born and breed in Nigeria cannot be compared to that in the United States” = Yakubu Gowon. (11) “School is not meant for the poor, only for the rich” = Ikedi Ikiri Ohakim. (12) “At 50, Britain is still battling with King Arthur and the knights of the round table so Nigeria is not doing too badly” = Diezeani Madueke. (13) “Even Jesus Christ cannot conduct a free and fair election in Nigeria” = Obasanjo (14) “The corp members were destined to die, nobody can run away from destiny” = Isa Yaguda. (15) “On behalf of 20 million naira, I donate my family” = Dame Jonathan. (16) “We, the PDP did not win this election, I have gone to church to confess, I gave them money and they called the result” = Chris Uba. (17) “I want to commend the doctors and nurses for responding to treatment” = Dame Jonathan. (18) “I can see camera people, are they going to televise us alive?” = Dame Jonathan. (19) “We do not pray for accidents but they are inevitable. But we will continue to do everything to ensure that we do not have accidents. But an accident is an act of God” = Stella Oduah. (20) What is the website of NSCDC? “I cannot categorically tell you one now” …when pressed futher, he says, “Hmmm, the website is, excuse me, my Oga at the top knows the website”. He again, cleared his throat and said: “My Oga at the top is working on the website and I don’t have them.” When the presenters insisted that he give a functioning website address of the para-military outfit, he dropped the bombshell: “ww.nscdc, that’s all.” = Obafaiye Shem. Channels TV Interview with NSCDC boss. Enjoy yourself
Posted in Entertainment, JOKES
This hilarious open letter to the president on ASUU strike is a must read. Funny it is yet it touches on the crux of the matter at hand.
Read more below
Oga Presido,
First of all I hail ooo! I no say u no dey cary last. You be confirm warri pikin. But ur middle name Ebele means mercy and make u pity ur children settle their lecturers naa! The matter neva tire u? Suppose say ur pikin wey u born for belle follow us dey house, Sheeh you for never answer our we lecturers them? Una say make we bone kidnapping, militant things and all the bad bad things go enter school, now now na una com dey f**k up. All the things wey them lecturers don teash us for klass we don forget am finish. Last last, na una go still call us “half-baked”, “half-roasted”, abi na “half-fried”. Na una sabi.
Them talk say person no fit run pass him shadow.
We go dey lasgidi dey for you. Na ur time be dis use am well, but we go catch you for 2015. U don forget say youths na we dey vote pass. Na we too dey snatch ballot box, dey do rally and som kain kukere things them wey them dey take win election. U go still nid our help. That time too we go go strike. Shebi u sabi waka for bare feet, u go carry ur leg do ur rally. No thugs for u. We no go snatch ballot make you for win. If any maga try am we go fall am.
So Oga Jona, na ur opportunity be dis ooo. Make u code this stubborn ASUU make dem cary their wahala goback. We no say na rush them go rush us we no send. All join. Na who get leg dey pass exam no be who read. Na still who get leg dey get beta work. Na Naija we dey. So make u do something because our mate dem for private university don graj finish. We don tire to dey beef them. If u no shake bodi fast make u no forget say university of militancy still dey admit. Dey neva release 2nd batch ooo!
May u grit maale Patience for we, thank baba God say she and gran papa Soyinka don settle that their quarrel, 2 agbayas, plus all those bad belle advisers wey u get. God pass them! Bros Amaechi still dey Niger-delta here, the guy don tire for ur mata. We dey grit u for am too. We go stop for here. E go be na. Naija! student for life!
Na ur waffi boy. .
By Anonymous
Posted in Uncategorized
As African metros grow dramatically , and
as custom and culture diffuse across the
many different physical , geographic , and
social borders that mark the continent , one
element seems to have achieved some
constancy despite such change; a language
called “ pidgin” . A fusion of English and
different traditional languages , “ pidgin” is
popular across Nigeria.
In almost any setting and in any scene ,
pidgin is a linguistic element that translates
effortlessly across class , age , educational
level and tribe. While shopping, at work or
school , or in any of many other
environments , Naija pidgin can be
overheard peppering everyday speech with
a sweetly symphonic flavor, tying the dish
that is daily dialogue together quite
savorily .
From the most spirited “ how you dey ? ” to
the most melancholy “ haba !”, and from the
tongues of school – children, area boys, or
even grandmothers , pidgin is a well –
embedded , well – embraced, and ever-
evolving facet of Nigerian society, as natural
(and as necessary) as oxygen. Pidgin even
supersedes speech , like a living thing it
adapts and grows as the climate around it
changes.
Even in the United States , where I have
lived my entire life, pidgin and some of its
variants can be heard among African
communities from all reaches of the
continent.
I recall during my first year of college , at a
meeting of the African Student
Organization, most of the groups
assembled were speaking pidgin , or
something close enough to it that was still
understood .
The simple “ how now?” that met me at the
door was indicative to me of a deeply
rooted cultural spirit, a showing of pride
displayed as proudly as the blackness of
our skin .
Friends I met at this meeting continue to
remain dear to my heart, even now as I go
into my last year of school and prepare for
a career afterward . The sincerity of that
simple welcome, and the familiarity and
camaraderie that it instantaneously sparked
from strangers assured me that though I
was away from home , my ties to it were not
severable.
Despite the cultural differences between
Africans in the US, the sound of pidgin is
always familiar , stirring memories of home
and reminding us of our place in the
amazing cultural fabric from which we all
are woven .
In a recent article in The Guardian
newspaper regarding pidgin, the dialect is
again acknowledged as a unifying element .
Writer Monica Mark quotes Nigerian pianist
Funsho Ogundipe, who worked with
legendary musician Fela Kuti and who once
stated, “ Fela [Kuti ] said it a long time ago –
the one language that can unify every
Nigerian is pidgin. ” Fela , who at a point did
performances exclusively in pidgin,
understood its power to unify and
empower diverse groups , reinforcing belief
in the power of African unity .
While it does not take a doctoral degree or
musical mind to comprehend the symphony
that is pidgin , it is clear ( even from a
cursory observation) that pidgin is a core
thread in the very intricate tapestry that is
Nigerian and African culture , one of many
threads tying together the fabric that
beautifully binds us .
Posted in TALK
These generations of vipers, what prove have you not?
Mimicking the world in shadow blind.
These generations of ingrate, What gift have you not?
Stealing the world of her diamond souls.
These generations of coward, when shall you fight?
Dancing the peace of hell in a sane circle.
Bet on my record and freedom shall berth forth
Bet on their lives and tears of crocodile shall you see
Bet on us and nations shall glow from our sweat.
These generations of swine, when will you learn?
Shorting thy eyes as the heavens slide by.
These generations of vulture, why feed on human flesh?
Opening thy mind and let diadem flow in.
These generation of eagles, where lay thy strength and vision?
Cos, I tell you all, we need thee now.
But when shall we trend this road of liberty
But how shall we dance the song of our heroes past
But who shall lead us all to these land we are promise……?
Follow me on twitter @naija360talk ……………..
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic
neighbourhood. Every Friday the
Catholics are driven crazy because,
while they’re grumpily eating fish, the
Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.
So the Catholics work on the Jewish
man to convert him to Catholicism.
Finally, after a lot of pressure and much
arguing, the Catholics succeed. They
take the Jewish man to a priest who
sprinkles holy water on him and says,
“Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a
Catholic.”
The Catholics are ecstatic. No more
tempting smells every Friday evening.
But the next Friday evening, the scent
of barbecue spread through the
neighbourhood. The Catholics all rush
to the Jew’s house to remind him of his
new diet.
They see him standing over the grille
cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on
the meat and saying, “Born a cow,
Raised a cow, Now a fish!”
Posted in JOKES
Fellow Nigerians, please permit me to thank all those who responded to my last letter. Your comments convinced me that most of you truly care about our dear country. Even those who make it their lucrative trade to abuse me every week must be saluted for finding the time to read my column religiously as well as the bountiful energy to disparage my genuine effort at advising our leaders on how to make Nigeria better. It is our collective duty and responsibility to help our government to govern right. When our country is a better place to live in, all of us would thrive and have a place to be proud of, including those who did not lift a finger up to help in the process. I do not claim to have all the solutions just as I don’t pontificate like cardinals would do. Unlike many Nigerians who travel to different places and studiously forget what they saw and the things we can copy and replicate in our nation, every trip I make is a torture to my soul and body.
I keep asking why we cannot achieve the basic things of life which much poorer nations are able to do with minimal stress. I marvel at the giant strides being made by nations that had gone through the most debilitating wars like Angola, Rwanda and even Sudan. I wonder how Ghana was able to recover from crushing deprivation to a recuperating miracle. I agonise over the way we are wasting the lives of our children who travel to odd, offbeat countries for their education. And what education do they get from many of these countries but sub-standard teaching and uncouth learning well below the commendable standards that existed in Nigeria up till the mid-80’s before things fell apart. I weep at the way our citizens are running to India in search of medical wonders when our country parades some of the best doctors in the world. What exactly does it take to build world-class hospitals at home? Is it money that we lack or brilliant people to run and maintain the facilities? These are questions begging for simple and straight-forward answers. There are other worrisome posers.
How come we cannot build enough houses and ensure that gainfully employed people can apply and get a mortgage or even procure car loans? How come we cannot embark on aggressive mechanised farming that would enable us secure more than enough food for both local consumption as well as enough to export to other countries? When will we break the evil jinx and get our search for power right? God has gifted us with the resources to tap into all forms and sources of energy. We can obtain and generate power from gas, fuel, water, coal, the sun, wind, etc. Instead what we have in the power sector is a stupefying regression. The few brains that were ready to set us on the path of progress were unceremoniously discarded. No great nation can be truly great without ensuring those five necessities of life: food, shelter, healthcare, education and power. With the right policies and raw determination, these five compulsory items would provide the necessary impetus and opportunities for our youths in employment and business. They will provide the basics for the welfare and emancipation of our people and guarantee the security of lives and property we currently lack. Investing on these five essentials will lead us to the development that our leaders insincerely promise us but which our people earnestly yearn for. The task may be gargantuan but it is not impossible.
Less-endowed countries with fewer resources have succeeded where we have failed ignominiously. The question that went viral last week following the article on the amnesty conundrum was: ‘where lies the solution?’ A few readers were too impatient to read between the lines so I’ve decided to take the debate on this issue further this week. I think our leaders have made the costliest mistake ever by monetising everything including, indeed, the fresh air God gave us freely. I’ve tried to search the lexicon for the real and true meaning of amnesty but I am yet to see where it is stated that you must pay money to people you pardon for waging war against the state. An amnesty is often given to those who have repented and are willing to atone for their sins. The amnesty allows them to lay down their arms and re-join the normal society with amity and without prosecution and punishment. The objective, and its modus operandi, is not too different from a parole whereby a criminal, insurgent, rebel or terrorist captured in the line of fire is arrested, detained, tried, convicted and penalised for illegally making life unbearable for others, and is subsequently released before expiration of his prison term based on some stringent conditions and a promise, on his part, to sin no more. Such pardons are often based on evidence of genuine remorse and visible regret for acts of commission or omission. I’ve never seen anywhere where you attach monetary gains or other pecuniary benefits to an amnesty or pardon. It is normal to forgive miscreants but it encourages others to thoroughly misbehave when you compensate acts of aggression. The joke being passed around on social media during the week is worth sharing here: “Niger Delta militant, N75k; Boko Haram, N100k; NYSC, N19,800; Civil Service minimum wage, N18, 900; choose your career wisely!”
Even if this apparent satire is grossly exaggerated, it is good food for thought. There was even a more scathing attack on the Federal Government amnesty programme by anonymous writers: “I knew from the beginning that amnesty was a bad idea. You do NOT reward bad behaviour and thus empower repentant terrorists with wealth. This will encourage others to perform further acts of terror in order to get recognition and wealth. These acts of terrorism against the Federal Republic of Nigeria should have been handled with the most strict military style discipline! With complete zero tolerance for bad behaviour. Instead a weak leader brought a federation of over 150 million people to its knees! Begging for mercy from hoodlums and thieves!! First it was Niger Delta Militants, today it is Boko Haram, tomorrow will be another. God help us all. Amen!!”
Such is the massive anger of the anti-monetised-amnesty protesters. I doubt if they are really opposed to amnesty in its original form and format but they are totally against its Nigerian variant that conforms to our usual way of standing logic on its head. I would love to know what originally informed the idea of a monetised amnesty. Paying for amnesty was a double jeopardy on the part of government. It was an admission of guilt and a confirmation that government had failed in its traditional duties and responsibilities. Most of the Niger Delta youths had lived in abject squalor despite the fact that the area produced most of our golden eggs. All the huge investments channeled through OMPADEC and NDDC never touched the lives of the ordinary people. The money, according to critics, only produced a few emergency billionaires who did not even know what to do with their emergency wealth. The agitation for a son of the soil to produce the President of Nigeria has yielded positive result with the emergence of Dr Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan. Beyond that, the South South region has been compensated with a full-fledged Ministry of Niger Delta; Niger Delta Development Commission; the Amnesty Commission, and other such overlapping goodies. Many argue that it is a deliberate overkill by duplicitous characters to milk the country dry through their cronies. In truth, the Ministry should have been able to wrap up the affairs of the Region and encapsulate all the challenges under one roof. It is not unlikely that some of the rebellion in the North was to engage in competition against the Niger Delta since it seemed that what was in vogue and selling like hotcake was terrorism in various shapes sizes. One cannot blame the Boko Haramists and their sponsors if they seek their own piece of the gigantic national cake.
The manner some leaders in the North are lobbying to be on the Boko Haram Amnesty Committee suggests to me that it is the latest cash cow in town. It is like having your own personal fountain of wealth in which you can turn the tap on and off as you wish by just some simple remote controls. The only problem is that the command on this occasion is unbridled violence, mayhem and destruction. What will ultimately come out of this foolish bazaar is that every part of Nigeria part will sooner rather than later produce youths embarking on different degrees of fearsome exploits in order to gain not only attention but also free-flowing cash. Is this what we need? My honest answer is No! Nigeria is in dire need of leaders with a
more systematic and effective approach to tackling problems. Thinking that money answereth all problems is stale and unimaginative.
There are strident arguments that Boko Haram is more of a political agitation than a religious one. It is believed that the terror unleashed on the populace is to make it impossible for Jonathan to return to power in 2015. The idea, therefore, is to target his few supporters and sympathisers of every government in power from the North. That is why even Emirs who were once immune to such attacks have lost their immunity and sacredness. The monetized amnesty, according to this unverifiable theory, is expected to provide the badly needed funding for political operations that has already started, albeit clandestinely, because the North feels the Niger Delta agencies will fund the next Jonathan campaign. Whether true or false, our government needs to do much better than playing politics with the lives of the people. What Nigeria and Nigerians deserve is total amnesty for all Nigerians. The amount of money expended on pacifying the Niger Delta would have built several Emirates out of Nigeria if wisely and prudently utilised. But even the Niger Delta is still as backward as ever because we chose to share the money amongst a few ungrateful people instead of improving the living conditions of all the citizens of that area. It is a shame that has made Nigeria the ugliest oil-rich nation on earth.
The amnesty we need to spread across the land is to provide social security and improved welfare for Nigerians. Let no one tell me it is impossible. This was what drove me initially to the Labour Party in Nigeria during my Presidential mission. My dream was to use that humongous platform of Labour and the working class to launch a social welfare package for our people. I had taken time to study the social security system in Britain. As a refugee while in exile, we enjoyed the same rights accorded to British citizens. I noted with admiration and gratitude that Britain was the most benevolent nation on earth. The success of Britain was predicated on closing the gap between the rich and the poor. The rich would have to pay heavily for any form of privilege and snobbery attached to aristocratic and sartorial taste and lifestyle while the government worries more about reducing poverty in the society and providing comfort and succour to the less privileged. The priority is to provide food, shelter, Medicare, education and power for every citizen. Those without jobs are provided some tokens to keep bodies and souls together. No country needs this more than Nigeria. The populace has been denuded and violated enough.
The best way to protect our nation against militants is to cater to the needs of the majority and not to the greed of a few insatiable bullies. When people are not hungry and have some semblance of comfort you can bet that militancy will be far from their psyche. They will not want that comfort zone disturbed. We must urgently employ the services of some of our cerebral university dons who can think through the present difficulties and proffer practical and long-term solutions. What we have been doing so far is to postpone Doomsday but sooner or later Armageddon must arrive. It will most likely descend on us like a thief in the night. On that fateful day, indeed the falcon will not hear the falconer!
Culled from THISDAY
If you have ever wondered why our so called leaders treat us with so much disdain and neglect, the statement credited to Governor Rotimi Amaechi of River state at a public function recently should give you an idea of what is behind it. At a symposium organised by The Future Awards, TFA to brainstorm on how to find solutions to some of Nigeria’s problems, the governor was quoted to have said that there could be no revolution in Nigeria because we are too timid. Whatever reasons he has for making that statement can simply be described as the cause of irresponsible leadership we have had to contend with for years now. The situation has become so bad that a U.S. Based Nigerian writer and teacher described the scenario saying “one of the greatest crimes of which the Nigerian state is guilty of is a failure to take the Nigerian state seriously.” True to that word, when the people you empowered to administer on your behalf do not take you serious, how can anything good come from them?
Governor Amaechi said we are too timid, but despite our timidity, it didn’t deter him and his likes who are occupying public offices at various levels across the country to go about with battalions of security men, ride in bullet proof vehicles, live in houses with high walls and employ a retinue of aides who stand between them and the people they claim to represent, all in the name of protection; protection from the same people who placed them in such positions. Amaechi’s thinking and by extension the thinking of people in his class is that they can and will always get away with their actions in office no matter how unfavourable it is to the populace. What they failed to realise is that patience is exhaustible and when it happens, reaction that are never expected occur.
Amaechi should be reminded that it is the timidity he associated Nigerians with that the people of Romania had when they revolted and ousted their communist dictator, Nicholae Ceasuscus who had the people of Romania under his whims and caprices for years. All that was needed is for an unknown woman to shout “liar”, “liar” in an apparent and unsolicited response to a statement made by Ceasuscus while delivering a speech at a public square in Romania on December 24, 1989. That famous “liar” was what gave the people courage to stage a revolt that later consumed Ceasuscus, his government and family.
If 1989 is too far for governor Amaechi to remember, I will cast his mind back to what transpired a few years ago in Libya. Libya under maummar Gaddafi was a country that had only him calling the shot. Nobody could go near him or challenge whatever decision he makes, but the very people whom a huge wall of separation existed between them and Gaddafi were those who revolted against him. If most Libyans were to be asked a few years to 2011 when the Libyan revolution began, many of them would have sworn it will never happen, but it did eventually and all that was required is the bravery of a few men who gathered and organised a protest that soon spiraled into a bloody revolution.
If governor Amaechi has forgotten so soon, let him be reminded that we were still timid in January, 2011 when Nigerians poured into the streets of Lagos, Abuja, Ibadan, Ilorin amongst many others to protest government’s arbitrary and unjustified hike in petroleum price. The protest may not have achieved much of what was envisaged, but the mere fact that a protest of such magnitude never happened in the history of this country is enough to tell “Doubting Thomases” that the status quo cannot always be the same. It may only not come at a time that many expect, but conditions call for a revolution, it is only a matter of time before it happens.
Governor Amaechi must be told that the length of years it takes to oppress the people and take them for granted does not determine whether or not a revolution is possible. All it takes is for the elastic limits of the people’s patience to be stretched to the end. Nicholae Ceasuscus ruled Romania for about two decades, Maummar Gaddafi held sway in Libya for forty two years, Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak was in power for thirty years, exiled Tunisian leader, Zine El- Abidin ruled Tunisia for 24 years. These people were dictators during their reign in power. They could have sworn that remaining in power till death is a guarantee, but when the patience of the people got exhausted, they were consumed by the revolts organised by the people they considered to be timid. They were not just removed from power by force; some of them got killed in circumstances that are unbefitting even for animals.
Rather than governor Amaechi basking in the euphoria of our timidity with the false believe that a revolution is far from happening in Nigeria, himself and other public officials saddled with positions of authority should concentrate their efforts, energy and time in providing the dividends of good governance for the people. Nigerians are hungry, they want to eat; Nigerians are dying every day, they want security for their lives and properties; Nigerians want good schools, hospitals, good roads and jobs for the teeming youths. It is with the availability of such needs that a revolution can be expressly dismissed.
The Nigerian people must not be cowed and intimidated by governor Rotimi’s false believe that Nigerians cannot revolt because they are timid. We shall continue to engage our leaders with utmost civility and within the tenets of democracy in matters that concern us; because an act of revolution leaves grave consequences in material and human lives, our leaders must however not be deceived that it is the only option available to the Nigerian people. If we are pushed to the wall, we shall revolt and that revolution shall consume them all.
Abubakar Sidiq Usman is an Urban Planning Consultant; Blogger and an Active Citizen working towards a better Nigeria. He can be engaged directly on twitter @Abusidiqu
LOBATAN!!!! 